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Episode One, Scene One: Anthrax Border Concerns
Setting: The White House Briefing Room. The Emperor is addressing his czars.
(Emperor illuminated in light addressing the czars seated in the White House Briefing Room)
Emperor: Welcome, my brilliant czars and wise czarinas.
Emperor: I’ve gathered you here this evening to seek your counsel regarding a number of issues, so let’s get started. What do you have for me, Special Master Blair?
Caption: Dennis C. Blair, Intelligence Czar.
Blair: Yes Mr. President, Intelligence sources indicate that Al-Qaeda is formulating plans to smuggle suitcases of anthrax across the Mexican Border to carry out terroist attacks on multiple high population density targets. We believe…
Emperor: That’s all, Admiral. I’d like to hear from my other czars on this, Special Master Brennan?
Caption: John Brennan, Homeland Security Czar.
Brennan: Our southern border is clearly a serious vulnerability, sir.
Emperor: Alan, will Al-Qaeda mules be able to get through?
Caption: Alan Bersin, Border Czar.
Bersin: Mr. President, they run through our borders like Mexican water thorugh a tourist.
Emperor: Can we ramp up detection? More scanners? More dogs?
Caption: Gil Kerlikowski, Drug Czar.
Gil: I do not know the answer to that, sir. I will find out if we have any anthrax-sniffing K-9 capabilities.
Emeperor: I’m assuming a suitcase full would do a lot of damage?
Caption: Gary Samore, WMD Czar.
Samore: Yes, that amount of anthrax would be a Weapon of Mass Destruction on any urban or rural area.
Caption: Aldofo Carrion, Jr., Urban Affairs Czar.
Carrion: Rural? I thought this was only an urban threat? Do you even have a Rural Czar, sir?
Emperor: What, do you mean like if they attack Iowa and Nebraska? Let me put it to you this way, Jimmy Crack Corn…
Caption: Caroline Fredrickson, Judicial Activism Czar.
Fredrickson: What is the likelihood that any Safe Haven Cities will be targeted?
Caption: Paul Samuels, Criminal Advocacy Czar.
Samuels: Will they be suicide bombers or are they likely to survive?
Caption: Nancy Ann DeParle, Health Czar.
DeParle: That’s a good question. I know they would be covered by national health care.
Caption: Eddie Solento, Amnesty Czar.
Solento: If they survive they should be eligible for…Immediate amnesty!!!
Caption: Michael Moore, Propaganda Films Czar.
Moore: There is no terrorist threat!
Moore: There is no terrorist threat!
Caption: Dennis C. Blair, Intelligence Czar.
Blair: Yes Mr. President, Intelligence sources indicate that Al-Qaeda is formulating plans to smuggle suitcases of anthrax across the Mexican Border to carry out terroist attacks on multiple high population density targets. We believe…
Emperor: That’s all, Admiral. I’d like to hear from my other czars on this, Special Master Brennan?
Caption: John Brennan, Homeland Security Czar.
Brennan: Our southern border is clearly a serious vulnerability, sir.
Emperor: Alan, will Al-Qaeda mules be able to get through?
Caption: Alan Bersin, Border Czar.
Bersin: Mr. President, they run through our borders like Mexican water thorugh a tourist.
Emperor: Can we ramp up detection? More scanners? More dogs?
Caption: Gil Kerlikowski, Drug Czar.
Gil: I do not know the answer to that, sir. I will find out if we have any anthrax-sniffing K-9 capabilities.
Emeperor: I’m assuming a suitcase full would do a lot of damage?
Caption: Gary Samore, WMD Czar.
Samore: Yes, that amount of anthrax would be a Weapon of Mass Destruction on any urban or rural area.
Caption: Aldofo Carrion, Jr., Urban Affairs Czar.
Carrion: Rural? I thought this was only an urban threat? Do you even have a Rural Czar, sir?
Emperor: What, do you mean like if they attack Iowa and Nebraska? Let me put it to you this way, Jimmy Crack Corn…
Caption: Caroline Fredrickson, Judicial Activism Czar.
Fredrickson: What is the likelihood that any Safe Haven Cities will be targeted?
Caption: Paul Samuels, Criminal Advocacy Czar.
Samuels: Will they be suicide bombers or are they likely to survive?
Caption: Nancy Ann DeParle, Health Czar.
DeParle: That’s a good question. I know they would be covered by national health care.
Caption: Eddie Solento, Amnesty Czar.
Solento: If they survive they should be eligible for…Immediate amnesty!!!
Caption: Michael Moore, Propaganda Films Czar.
Moore: There is no terrorist threat!
Moore: There is no terrorist threat!
Emperor: OK,czars and czarinas after carefully considering your counsel, I have decided our course of inaction will be to wait and see. We will Hope for Change. Let’s revisit the topic in six months. Next topic, North Korea, threatening a nuclear missile attack on the Hawaiian Islands, my own birth state. Back to you Dennis and John.
Caption: Dennis Blair, Intelligence Czar.
Blair: Secretary Clinton is recommending a furrowed brow and finger wag response. I believe..
Emperor: That’s enough, Admiral, John what do you think?
Caption: John Brennan, Homeland Security Czar
Brennan: We have increased missile defense capabilities in the region.
Emperor: Ok, that’s a wrap. Thanks for your time. If you’re an e-czar, our teleconference with the UNEP starts in five minutes over in the Cabinet Room.
Blair: Should I join you, Mr. President? I can provide the latest intel on China and India’s energy and …
Emperor (raising hand to cut off): No, Admiral, that won’t be necessary for this meeting. Just the E-czars, Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid.
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