Episode I, Scene Four: Coveting Oscar

Episode One, Scene Four: Coveting Oscar
Setting: The Oval Office

Emperor: Governor, Welcome to the White House.

Caption: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California.

Arnold: Thank You, Mr. President. I appreciate your willingness to meet with me, the People of California…

Caption: Michael Moore, Propaganda Film Czar.
Moore: Yeah, Great, Arnie. Just have a seat and let’s get down to business.

Arnold: Excuse me? Michael Moore? What are you doing here?

Emperor: Governor, Let’s talk executive to executive. We’re both international celebrities and you’re probably asking yourself, “What do I have to offer to a man who seemingly has it all?”

Arnold: Uh, well, no, I was actually going to beat the “too big to fail” drum, we’re the world’s eighth largest economy, Mr. President.

Emperor: That argument doesn’t work for me. That kind of concentration of wealth and resources, begs for seizure and redistribution…

Arnold: But Mr. President…

Emperor: …but since you’re a member of the Royal Family, at least by marriage, I’m going to let you do me a favor in exchange for a little Golden State stimulus.

Arnold: It would be my pleasure, how can I be of service?

Emperor: Well, you know my good friend, Al Gore. He’s always rubbing my nose in his Nobel Prize and his Academy Award.

Arnold: Mr. President, I’m Austrian and I’m afraid I don’t carry much wait in Stockholm.

Emperor: No you dunderhead, I don’t need help with the Peace Prize. My international apology tour and “Citizen of the World” shtick has that puppy pretty much in the bag. Just a matter of time. It’s the Oscar that I covet. I need an angle, Arnold.

Arnold: Well, as a sitting president, I don’t see how you could have time to star in a live action film. Ah, you could appear via Computer Generated Imagery animation like I did this summer in Terminator: Salvation. I don’t see how that’s going to get you an Oscar, though.

Michael Moore: Arnold, don’t worry your little head about awards, we’re not looking for help with acting tips. The closest you’ve come to Oscar was opening Planet Hollywood with Stallone, but you are on the right track with CGI. The Academy will heap adulation on the Emperor, we just need a vehicle to get him nominated.

Emperor: This isn't just about me, Michael. You know how Michelle loves music. We’d like a film with a soundtrack that gives Michelle an opportunity to win a Grammy.

Arnold: I’ve got an idea, how about a CGI animated remake of “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves”? Mr. President you could star in the lead role as a composite character of both Costner’s Christian Robin of Locksley and Morgan Freeman’s Islamic Azeem. Along with Maid Pelosi, Friar Reid and Little Joe, you could do class warfare with the rich and an animated Dick Cheney as Sheriff of Nottingham.

Emperor: That concept appeals to me, but there is too much delay in getting a screenplay written, finding a producer, director, etc. We need a project that is “Shovel- Ready” or one already in flight.

Arnold: You mean you want to seize a film currently in production?

Emperor and Michael Moore: Yes!

Arnold: Hmm, a current vehicle… I’m going to need some favors but I think I can make this happen for you.