The Czar Wars, Episode I, Scene 12: Pays to Play

Setting:
Panel 1: View from street of GM HQ in Detriot.
Caption: GM Headquarters, Detriot, Michigan.

Panel 2:
Caption: Auditorium
Caption: Kenneth Feinberg, Pay Car
Feinberg: Ordinarily we would simply correspond with each of you via certified letters, but considering you are now a government-run company, I’ve made the trip in person to meet with the twenty-five highest compensated employees of GM, face-to-face.

Panel 3:
Caption: Fritz A. Henderson, GM President and Chief Executive Officer
Henderson: Well, welcome to Detroit.

Panel 4:
GM other Top 24, blank stares, silence (crickets).

Panel 5:
Feinberg: Okay, let me break the ice by saying first of all, considering the new Administration’s plan to usher in a golden age of greater transparency in government, GM will not be releasing 2nd Quarter Financial results. What I can tell you right off the bat is that twenty-four of you are taking a paycut…

Panel 6:
(GM other Top 24, grumbling, frowns, scowls)

Panel 7:
Feinberg: …but the good news for you is, I haven’t decided which one of you is getting a raise, because YOU ARE ALL CONTESTANTS TODAY ON THE PAY GONG SHOW!!!

Panel 8:
Curtain on auditorium stage opens to show judges with their backs to the audience, facing a single microphone under a spotlight on stage.
Feinberg: Our panel of judges includes…
(Each swiveling around in their chair to wave)
…You know him; you love him, The Car Czar, Ron Bloom

…In town to assess bull-dozing progress, Urban Affairs Czar, Adolfo Carrion, Jr.

…longtime friend of GM, UAW President Ron Gettelfinger

…and celebrity guest judge, Paula Abdul!

It was supposed to be a five judge panel, but Stimulus Accountability Czar, Earl Devaney had to withdraw after being over-stimulated by the surprise addition of Ms. Abdul.

Making the trip with us to Detroit today to observe, other czars of local interest:
Great Lakes Czar, Cameron Davis
Propaganda Films Czar, Michael Moore, here by special request of Roger Smith,
Congressional Illiteracy Czar, John Conyers
Former Manufacturing Czar under George Dubya Bush, Albert Frink
And special guest, Obama-ousted former General Motors CEO Rick Wagner


Feinberg: Ok, Capitalists, its time to Sing to Save Your Salary! Let’s play, THE PAY GONG SHOW!!! (Striking the Giant Gong with Pay Czar written in the center)